Fertility Update: My Diagnosis

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I’m learning that it’s better to be open and transparent about what we’re going through. Better to shine light on the dark spots in our life instead of just sharing the happiest moments, because I want to be real on here, and I pray that my openness will help others to process the hard roads they’re walking and open up, too.

Every adventure takes a dark turn now and then and that’s the turn we’re on at the moment. We don’t know when this darkness will end, but we’ve been comforted by the fact that God never leaves us on the dark paths in the road. He’s always been there, walking alongside us, even when our vision has been clouded and we’ve felt like He’s not.

Over the past few weeks especially (and long before that), so many of our friends and family have prayed for us as we’ve walked the road of infertility. Nate and I are so very thankful for all of you and appreciate your prayers and kind words so much.

So here is an update on our infertility journey:

A few weeks ago we had a follow up appointment with our doctors after doing all the initial testing that couples need to do after it’s been a year of trying to conceive naturally (after a year you’re technically “infertile”).

The tests were long, hard, and painful. Painful somewhat physically, but mostly emotionally. Getting tested for anything isn’t fun, but especially infertility because it feels Β detached like you’re dealing with something only “scientific,” and that somehow lessons the realness of it.Your body is seen as a machine, and the doctors are just trying to figure out how to “fix” it, emotions aside. I’m sure that wasn’t the intent of our doctors, but at times it felt like it to me during all the testing.

We were relieved and thankful to be done, yet anxious about finding out results. I wanted to know what was wrong, yet I didn’t. I didn’t want there to be anything wrong, because that would make me angry and frustrated because our infertility would be unexplained, but on the other hand I didn’t want something to be wrong medically because that meant something needed fixed.

The doctors discovered I have PCOS. Something is wrong, and it’s wrong with me. I’m still processing through all the emotions that have come from this news. I’m thankful we know the medical cause for our infertility after waiting and wondering for so long, yet I’m sad something is wrong. I’m also thankful that PCOS is treatable, and pretty common these days so the doctors weren’t surprised. Now we’re praying about what our next step will be. We are leaning towards going on medication that will hopefully help, but it’ll be a few weeks before we do anything as it has to do with certain days of my next cycle.

I know God can still give us a baby any day, but after this whole year of waiting my hopes are beginning to wane.Β I’ve been struggling to rest in God’s sovereignty since we found out. There’s a battle waging inside me between what I know to be true about God in my head-He is good, He loves me, He is sovereign, He is working a good plan through our suffering-with my feelings of sadness and hopelessness about our situation. I’m thankful for all our family and friends who have encouraged us with truth about God and our situation. Thankful for their wise words and hugs and prayers.

I pray daily that God would give me joy through my suffering. That He would give me more grace to trust and love Him and know that He is the ONLY ONE who will satisfy me, not a PCOS free body and plenty of babies. I finally understand and am living out what Paul said to the Corinthians: “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing,” (2 Corinthians 6:10). God has been faithful to give me so much grace and joy through this trial, and I know He will continue to. He has held me when my faith has been weak, and shown me my faith still has far to grow when I’ve felt like it was strong. I’m learning the sweetness that comes from clinging to God above all else, because I’m a complete mess and nothing else satisfies.

In a way, it’s not like much has changed even though we now know the medical reason for our infertility. God is still sovereign over our situation, and He still wants us to wait. The waiting is hard, but God gives more and more grace. This morning I came across this verse while reading Psalm 94, and it blessed me so much. “When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.” Consolation means “comfort received by a person after a loss or disappointment, orΒ a person or thing providing comfort to a person who has suffered.” I’m so thankful for how God has comforted and consoled me through this trial, and I pray that our story will draw your eyes to the One who can comfort and console you through your darkest days.

 

 

 


8 thoughts on “Fertility Update: My Diagnosis

  1. Liz! I am so thankful that you shared this post because I am going through the SAME thing. I love your honesty and vulnerability. I’ve been wanting to post an update, but I am still wrestling with my diagnosis. I would love to chat sometime if you are free! πŸ™‚

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    1. Aww, Chelsey, I’m so sorry. Although it has been so tough to find the right words, I’m thankful that my openness has allowed others to start the conversation and share their journeys. It’s so encouraging to see the Lord using our trial to shape us and bless others. I’d LOVE to chat sometime! I’m usually off on Thursdays so those are always good days for me. Praying for you today that you would know God’s comfort and steadfast love for you in your trial.

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  2. Liz, thank you for your openness. I have a friend who is going through the same thing, and I know for many women it feels very lonely. I will be praying for you!

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  3. Liz, Thank you for your openness and sweet spirit! I am praying for you and Nate. Thank you for sharing the “not so lovely,” aspects of your lives, and the specific ways that God is holding you guys up, reminding you of truth, and using others to support you. Reminds me of how important the body of Christ really is! Reminds me to pray for several friends, including yourself, who are struggling with infertility. Thank you for your teachable spirit! Such an example…! May God continue to give you what you need for each moment! Much love!

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  4. Hey Liz! I’m sure you don’t remember me but we knew each other at Victory Baptist Church in Rochester mn many years ago. I was diagnosed with pcos as well a year after marriage and it has been quite the battle. It constantly makes me feel ill and tired not to mention I have the hardest time losing weight but it’s easy to gain. I remember feeling so helpless and emotionally drained. Kyle didn’t understand how to help and it made him feel helpless and inadequate. I was terrified I couldn’t get pregnant too and it seemed like we wouldn’t. I want to encourage you to never give up and throw away that hope. God gave kyle and I a beautiful baby girl after two years. Who knows maybe she’ll be the only one I can have but I am rejoicing. God can answer your prayers as well and I hope he does. I’ll be praying for you and your husband to experience this same joy. Thank you for writing the article! It really does feel great to know done one who is going through the same issues. May God bless you!

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    1. Hey Sarah,
      Thank you so much for writing and sharing your experience with PCOS. This truly has been the hardest thing I’ve had to walk through, but I’m thankful that God is using it to shape and grow me, and to show me that He is the only One that will satisfy me.
      I really appreciate your kind words and prayers!
      Love,
      Liz

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